昨天是我的生日，我32岁。暴风雨来了，太阳在下午晚些时候出来了一会儿，然后又被暴雨和雷鸣遮住了。我心目中的好天气。那天的上半天，我像猫一样懒洋洋地躺在床上，直到中午我能费心去洗个澡，躺在温暖的蒸汽里，听着雨声。我让自己做了所有平时做梦也想不到的事情，他给我煮咖啡，陪我从床上到洗澡再回来。我们跑腿，一切都很有趣。我们与家人共进晚餐，我吃了一打牡蛎，还吃了太多甜点。这是我一生中最幸福的一天，今天早上醒来，我看到了一个新的世界&一个新的女人。我一觉醒来，发现了一个我从不知道和一直想要的正常。我回家已经一个月了，比我想象的还要好。 He’s taught me, without even trying, to make time for my life.
一切都很简单:二月份，我坠入了爱河。我们相遇的那天。3月，也就是三周后，我离开了这个国家。整个六月我都在旅行。我想念他，感到痛苦，我在东京、悉尼、里斯本、巴黎等地游荡。我工作;它是美丽的。但我是一个幽灵。五月的时候，我们在克罗地亚偷渡了几天，他在赫瓦尔的海边向我求婚。有时我还是会想，是不是我太想要什么以至于失去了理智，是不是我现在的生活不是真实的，是不是我在幻想这一切。 Because I wanted him more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my entire life. More than my career. More than I want to travel. More than candy. I really love candy.
有史以来，我可能已经想要一些糟糕的事情。我和父母在商场里;我不能超过四到五岁。商店里有一只蓝熊。我问过它。他们说没有。我试图接受它。但是，我的伤心欲绝在商城地板上倒塌，一堆泪水和乞讨。我没有发脾气。它出错了。 My father, recognizing this, went and bought me the bear. I named him Blue Moon, and I slept with him every night until going off to college. I would’ve taken him even then, but I was scared something would happen to him. When our house burned down in my early twenties, he was the first thing I got out of that house. Even now he lives at my parents because I know he’s safer there than here. I am, at the very least, a girl who knows what she wants. I wanted him like I wanted Blue Moon and so much more. A heart’s desire can tear apart worlds, can build them. It’s no small thing.
So I don’t know if my heart built this world I now inhabit, if it’s a phantom of a wrecked imagination, or if this is just life & I’m a girl who’s waited so long for this kind of love that I have to ask stupid questions like that. Probably the latter. I meet each day with gratitude. Normal is heaven. And so today I awoke, 32 at home with the man I love, and I worked. I baked these for you guys. They’d make a great Fourth of July dessert or breakfast. Really any day. I tend to freeze blueberries when they’re in season because they freeze so well, so it’s nice to stock pile to have this treat all the time. A bit of raw local honey, creamy whole milk ricotta, flaky puff pastry, and a hint of lavender make these a bit of everyday heaven. They taste like I feel these days. So while I can’t make you all fall in love, I can share these & my joy through them. That is, ultimately, the beauty of food.